Jaded and lovin' it...

2 Years Fly By

2008-05-18T20:44:00.002+08:00

I got lazy blogging. Like so many of my other pet projects, I got tired of it, lost interest, and grew bored.

Funny that now when I read about my life from April 2006 onwards, I realise that I might just be still the same person. Everyone likes to think they've grown, matured, evolved. I'm still the same old me.

Except....

My Big Huggable Sweetie proposed last Monday on 12 May 2008, precisely 2 years since the day we went to Zouk and got wasted. 2 years since the night I vomited 1/2 a bottle of Johnny Walker on the floor (missing his bed by inches) and passed out till the next morning....the next morning when we woke up, and decided we wanted to be together even though (in retrospect now) we didn't exactly know each other too well yet.

And I have a beautiful BLING! Pictures of it will come soon enough.

Babe, I love you! Happy 2 years together. And here's to the next 20, 30, 40, 50 years...my promise to you: I'll do my best to be a good wife to you.

Reality Bites

2007-02-19T21:41:00.000+08:00

There are certain moments in life where reality nudges you so hard, you can't breathe. I saw this article in The Star on Valentine's Day and I thought, that on a silly RM300-bouquet oh-i-have-to-buy-my-gf-a-gift-or-she'll-kill-me day like this, how fabulous that The Star is featuring this couple on page 3 of the Nation's section:

Blind because of an act of love

KLANG: Between them there are no whispers of sweet nothings, showy kisses of affection or presents on those special occasions.

Love – for Khoo Joo Sian and husband Yap Hing of Taman Kapar here – is about taking turns to sip from the same cup, eating from a single plate and insisting the other take the last piece of vegetable during meals.

Love also means Khoo, 65, holding her husband’s hands tightly and never letting him out of her sight when they are out collecting recyclable items on their rusty bicycle.

For Yap, 64, is blind.

And it was an act of love more than a decade ago that cost him his vision.

He had gone for an operation for cataract on both eyes, with strict instructions from the doctors to rest.

His wife dutifully tucked him in bed and went to work, washing dishes at a restaurant.

“I knew there was no more money in the house. I am her husband, I should be the one putting food on the table,” said Yap.

So he stole out of bed and went to the construction site where he worked as a labourer.

He did not know what happened at the work site but remembered that halfway through carrying some bricks he lost his vision and then collapsed.

The doctors later told him that some veins in his eyes had burst because of the exertion.

Khoo has since become his ray of light.

“He is my husband. It is my responsibility to care for him and to love him, no matter what, said Khoo, who married Yap when they were in their 40s.

They make a living now collecting and selling recyclable items. At around 3pm, they are usually seen walking hand-in-hand to their favourite coffee shop for an afternoon cuppa.

“Life has not been easy but I am never lonely because I have him,” she said.

Yap said couples like them do not know much about lovey-dovey words.

“But I will take care of her until I die because I am her man and she is my woman. Isn’t that enough?” he asked.

---------------------------------------

I read this article several times. I can't remember when I didn't cry while reading it.
I cut it out and put it in my wallet so that I can read it every single day to remind myself of the following things:

1. To be contented with my life

I'm so blessed. I have a great family. A fantastic place to live. A job that enables me to sustain the lifestyle I want. The 2 bestest friends a gal could dream of. A wonderful guy who loves me. What more am I lacking? What do I care about stupid Key Result Areas and Core Competencies that I'm measured by during my performance appraisal? Why does my life centre around pleasing my bosses and ensuring that their wish is my command? Crap. My whole year practically centred around scoring more than 70% during my performance appraisal this year so that I could get a 4 month bonus? Get a life, Susan.

2. To STOP coveting the latest Dior saddlebag worth RM12k

It's really to die for. :( But, no. One would be insane to carry a 12k handbag when people like this couple who are barely making it, hell, sipping from the same cup and sharing the same meal in a coffee shop...I'd never forgive myself. Heck, maybe I should sell my Coach bag on Ebay.

3. To ASK myself again and again, what kind of a partner and wife will I be in the future?

Reading the article made me question myself...what kind of a woman am I? What kind of a wife would I be? Would I walk away at the first sign of trouble? Would I brace myself for "better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health till death do us part?" I always say that love is a tad bit overrated. Well, maybe it's because I just don't want to work so hard. Reading this article made me realize, love is and has to be tough. I may not be in this lady's shoes when I'm 65... or I may... who knows? A question to ponder: am I the kind of girl who has it in me to stick around when the going gets tough?

4. To not be such a spoilt little brat.

I should really stop whining about the slightest problems I have and realize that I am really the luckiest gal in the world.

Thank you, old couple. Your article will be in my wallet for many many years to come. :)

Zero Ambition

2007-01-30T17:45:00.000+08:00

I met this gal from Drunk before Dawn who is an editor at Harpers Bazaar Malaysia. She’s a lyricist and I think her lyrics are brilliant. It’s been my ultimate dream since like forever, to write for a girly magazine (because of the glossy pages and air-brushed hot models in the adverts). So I asked her what it would take for me to get accepted as a writer for her magazine, so that I can give up my so-not-glamorous auditing profession and wear the latest couture to office everyday.

Firstly, she told me, I’d probably have to start as an intern and work like a dog.
My daily pay = RM50.

Secondly, she asked me what I loved to write about, i.e. what I knew lots about and was good at expressing.

*blank look*

Then she asked me if I could write about Make-up and Beauty coz her friend was looking for a freelance make-up and beauty editor. I was like… errr… I really doubt it, but I could try.

Hmm. Not good answer.

I kinda realized I didn’t know much about any specific topic in particular to write a decent one page article about anything in life.

Damn.

Puppies for FREE, anyone?

2007-01-28T21:36:00.000+08:00

Monday blues.

2007-01-15T18:25:00.001+08:00

Time: 10am
Venue: My desk

Yesterday Wei Li and I had a conversation about my defense mechanism in relationships.
He said my resolution for the new year should be “think positive”.

Today, Pauline angel told me that her mom’s friend’s father in law just made advances on his indon maid. He’s 80, btw. His wife refuses to talk to him now. Imagine the indignity of having your 80 year old husband do the dirty on the maid. Sad to say, the maid probably didn’t mind.

I hope he catches a horrid disease and his dick falls off, piece by piece.

Yeah dude, I’m looking forward to thinking in a positive manner… it sure would help.

------------------------

Time: 2pm
Venue: My desk
State of mind: Depressed. For no reason.
Attributable Factors: Hormones qua.
Symptoms: Teary-eyed over the smallest things, don’t feel like small talk, want to be alone.
When it’s expected to be over: Period due next week. *fingers crossed*

This is the worst PMS I’ve had in a long time. That is, if it is PMS. I think it is. Weird thing is I’ve been exercising like crazy over the past month. So technically, that’s supposed to help.

I haven’t had lunch with my colleagues since early last week. They must be thinking I’m having a mental breakdown of some sort.

---------------------------

Time: 3pm
Venue: My Desk

I just found out from Reena that my cell leader and her husband were going out for 2 years before they got married and during those 2 years, they decided to be “holy” and didn’t even hold hands. HUH! Some people have very farnee ideas. I wonder if they even shared drinks during that time.

Anyway, they’ve been married for like… 3 years apparently… and they don’t seem any different from other couples. In fact, I’ve seen more loving and attentive married couples than them. So yeah, conclusion is: Hold away!

13th Jan, Golden Sands Resort 7.30pm

2007-01-14T20:20:00.000+08:00

I’ve just got back from a wedding.

And I’m absolutely depressed.

Heck, I’m even crying when I write this.

Because it was the only wedding I’ve ever been to that was so intimate, filled with love, and meaningful, that I’m having a hangover.

Because it challenges all my cynical preconceptions about true love and sacrifice, and I feel shaken. All the staunch views that I’ve had over the past about how bitter relationships can get, how divorces are so rampant you don’t believe in marriage anymore, and how there ain’t no such thing as everlasting love, unending faithfulness, the ultimate commitment….

Damn. I hate it when I feel terribly wrong.

During past weddings, I inwardly rolled my eyes whenever they played the video presentation. The cutting cake ceremony and popping of the champagne bottle made me terribly bored. The speeches made me go “yeah right, lets see how long YOU last” in my mind. This time, I had to wipe the tears away discreetly every time Victor and Amy called each other loving names, danced the tango, thanked their parents… and man, was their video presentation a tear-jerker or what.

And I hate it even more when I think that perhaps it might never happen to me. (Again, the cynic never stops being a cynic.)

Congratulations, Victor and Amy. You’re the only couple on my pedestal right now. Don’t fck up or I’ll be really crushed and probably hang myself.

Secrets to Longevity

2007-01-12T18:08:00.000+08:00

I read a back issue of National Geographic yesterday night while doing the Stepper machine in gym. The main article was about living longer and the writer had been on assignment from Italy to Japan to USA to examine small pockets of people from all over the world who seemed to live longer, i.e. reach a 100 years old with very little effort.

My first thought when I read the article was: why would anyone want to live so long? After 70, you’re nothing but nearing zero scrap value and waiting to be written off completely after subtracting depreciation.

Then, I saw this picture of a 103-year old man from Okinawa, Japan, doing a yoga headstand. He looked positively fit, actually he looked only 60 years old. It was really amazing.

And I read about this sweet old Italian lady from Sardinia who was 101 who just bought a new bottle of perfume to wear and giggled to the writer of the article about her perfume being able to attract a new boyfriend. I saw in her picture, a sweet old wrinkled lady with a really wonderful smile and glowing eyes.

The 102-year old lady from California was still growing vegetables in her garden and attending church on her own regularly.

And then I thought, maybe it wasn’t so bad after all. These people seem to be having a whale of a time.

In all 3 locations, several men and women have lived till past a 100 years old and are still going strong.

What’s the secret? Across the globe, these people gave amazingly similar answers:

Always put your family first. Have family meals everyday together.
Eat vegetables and fruits regularly.
Drink plenty of water and green tea, red wine permitted but in moderation
No fast food, period.
No smoking, period.
Belief in God and consistent prayer.
Exercise, exercise, exercise.

So there you have it. The 7 habits of highly aged but still going strong people.

Now, the question is, do I even want to live till a 100?

Love...

2007-01-08T21:23:00.000+08:00

...is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

Thank you for showing me the meaning of 1 Corinthians 13 every single day for the past 8 months. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you have taken so much effort to love, understand and trust me, even when I don't deserve it. You've been my best friend, confidante, advisor, manager, lover, father figure and everything else that I've needed. I really admire you, and you make me want to be a better person.

I love you!!

I Heart Chwiny Angel!!!

2007-01-05T09:48:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow Chwiny Angel will be leaving Malaysia for Singapore. She got a great offer at Credit Suisse. *sniff* They'd better treat my best friend well!!!!!

The thought of it is really saddening. One less gal pal to go shopping with, have slumber parties, chat till we fall asleep, share shoes, bitch on the phone…*sob*

Pauline Angel and Suzie Angel will really miss u. We Luv You Gal!!!

Shape-shifter

2007-01-04T15:12:00.000+08:00

There’s this girl in my department……. And I can’t figure her out. She’s friendly and all, she’ll laugh at your jokes, and make jokes so you can laugh with her, she’ll smile and offer help, she’ll volunteer personal information and she’s not a snob but I just can’t figure her out who she really is inside. I’ve known her for like.. a month. And yet, I can’t get a hint of her true personality yet.
I can read most people in an instant and guess roughly 80% of what they truly are, or so I think. (Perhaps at the end of the day I really don’t know them at all.) I roughly know what they like, I know how they would react to certain things and what makes them happy or sad. Having met so many people throughout the years in college and being an internal auditor in 3 major corporations, I hope to think that I have met almost all different mentalities and personalities. And I think I’ve come to a point where, when I meet new people, I select whom I want to be close to, and don’t give a shit about the rest.

Most people look at me and think I’m just a dumb-ass brunette with an empty head coz I’m small and talk like a blur kid and perhaps sometimes I seem oblivious to things around me. Well, I’m not. I just choose to project that image.

A close friend told me before that she noticed I have this habit of choosing whom I want to be close to and adapting myself to fit their personality. And then I go all out to become a permanent fixture in their lives and win their hearts and make them want to be close to me and love me. I think she’s right. After what she said, I evaluated my relationships with a few close friends and realized that unconsciously during the first few times I had met them, I had decided that I liked them very much and we would be close friends. I then shape-shifted to fit their personality to become like them. And hence, I behaved like them whenever I’m with them. And because people tend to be closer to people who are alike them, we automatically became closer.

However, I think at the end of the day, it makes me forget who I really am. And doesn’t it make me somewhat a snob? That I select some people and not the others?

I once read this article which said that it’s scientifically proven that we tend to want to get closer to people (of both sexes) whom we find attractive. I think it’s quite true for me.

I’m currently reading Q&A by Vikas Swarup. It’s a work of fiction about this 18 year old boy who’s an orphan in Bombay and he’s won like a billion rupees in a quizshow coz he answered 12 general knowledge questions correctly. He also gets arrested because it is quite impossible how an 18 year old orphan boy could be smart enough to answer 1, much less, 12 questions correctly, and therefore, everyone presumes he cheated. It’s hilarious.

At the same time, I’m also reading: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night time (for the 2nd time), 1000 Places to see before you die (I’m so proud Penang is in the list), Queen Camilla and The Rule of Four. I really have to stop this bad habit of reading many books at the same time and stick to just one.

Two Double Oh Seven is here

2007-01-03T17:47:00.000+08:00

It’s January the 3rd of a brand new spankin’ year. It marks my first year anniversary here in Astro, and it also means that I’m going to turn 28 effin years old this November.

One of my New Year resolutions is to update my blog on a regular basis, and hence here I am, typing away religiously at my little black keyboard, racking my jumbled thoughts to pen something sufficiently sweet and politically correct for myself to read when I’m bloody 40.

Mum said to me the other day, “You should have a blog just like those Korean housewives where they can earn money and have a regular source of income from blogging.”

I was like “Hur??!?”

I really doubt anyone would be so interested to know trivial happenings of my life, what I ate for lunch, what time I shat after dinner, what horrible nightmare plagued me last night etc etc.

Speaking of nightmares, last night I dreamt that I killed a dog by twisting its neck and its blood rained on my hair… it was red and sticky. Everyone was pointing at me and I couldn’t lift my head, the blood was too heavy. It had dried up. My hair was matted.

There are some days, the urge to have a ciggie fix becomes compelling and fills my entire mind. Today was one of those days. I need that sweet release from my skin and I become convinced that nicotine is the answer…. The key to unjumbling the puzzles in my mind.

I envy this really sweet friend of mine, Carol. She seems to live in another innocent world which has been lost to me for some time already. I am quite sure she doesn’t get dreams of killing dogs and nicotine cravings.

Period and Style: 21st Century, Girly Chic with an Edge

2006-09-15T18:34:00.000+08:00

I have always envisioned my dream apartment to be in hues of pale pink, brown and grey, with little potted plants in the bathrooms and bedrooms, and a hammock in the balcony for me to take naps in the sun. Ok, that’s a little far-fetched coz the Malaysian sun is super jia lat. But my sweet pink place shall have a sweet pink window seat in the library for me to read a girly storybook and sip a Ribena 100plus while gazing out at the serene landscaping below.

There will be Tchaikovsky playing in the background and koi swimming lazily in the lily ponds below. Everything shall be perfect in the most ultra girly way possible. Except for the crazy traffic outside. Which is why I’m never going to emerge from my pink apartment unless I run out of groceries.

Last Saturday, my life changed. I bought my first property. Yes, have to be drama, because my life DEFINITELY has changed now that I have to pay a bloody RM1,246 plus RM250 in bank installments and service charges every single month! But I comfort myself by keeping that pink apartment in my mind and tell myself that if I eat Gardenia every week, I just might be able to afford a Zara suit at the end of the month, fingers crossed.

Now with only the MBA project left and a few more exams to clear, plus one silly essay on Ethics, life is pretty much sweet and uncomplicated. Big Huggable Sweetie has got a whole semester of MSIE plus project to do, poor baby. *hugs* You’ll live. Barely. I’ll help you type your SAE project on my sweet pink window seat, mwah mwah.

I’ve got a teeny weeny problem at the moment. There is this recess at the entryway of the condo.

There’s a recess to put a shoe cupboard, 3 feet wide, and 1 ½ feet deep. The show unit put a shoe cupboard there. My sis says to put a shoe cupboard there. I REFUSE to put a shoe cupboard there. I have this weird rule about my dream apartment: I must never ever be predictable. Everything I do has to have a rebellious edge in it. Instead, I wanna put a dark brown bench with ethnic pink cushions. But I don’t want people taking off their shoes in my condo while sitting on the bench INSIDE. Sniff. I’ll have a lot of cleaning to do. So maybe I need to put the bench outside. But if I put it outside, then what am I gonna put in the stupid recess? Sigh.

Anyway, it's Friday, phew. Big Huggable Sweetie is picking me up from work and then we're going for dinner and movie. YEAY! Welcome, Sweet Weekend!

Email to Heaven.com

2006-08-30T18:22:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time since I updated my blog. A lot has happened since then. Starting with the worst, I was actually robbed again at knife point outside my house in Taman Megah. It was a terrifying experience. Even though while they were mugging me, I had this feeling that they were rather inexperienced druggies who wanted my money rather than anything else, I still felt a sense of unexplainable terror.

Its made me really terrified of leaving the house, leaving Astro (which is the most secure place in the whole of Malaysia apparently), going anywhere on my own, and doing anything on my own. I’m just scared that I’ll be mugged again or abducted or injured and left somewhere to die. Kinda morbid and paranoid but yeah… I’m just scared shitless and I don’t know what to do.

Have you ever felt that sense of helplessness that you’re not in control of things? Where your life is not in your hands but in the hands of some stupid druggie with a rusty kitchen knife who’s asking you for your money when he’s already holding your belongings in his stinky paws?

Have you ever felt scared for no reason? Scared till you’re unable to control your thoughts and you feel like you’re draining away? Have you ever felt like you are afraid to leave your house alone because something bad might happen to you? Scared to come home at night because the robbers might think you are easy prey and lie in wait for you?

I’m starting to feel that way, and I feel that I’m not able to control feeling that way. Which makes it worse. I think I'm going crazy and I feel like I have no one to turn to.

Today at work, I wrote an email. To God actually. But after I finished, I didn’t exactly have an email address to send it to so its still sitting in my drafts folder. It went:

Dear God.

I’m searching for peace. I was robbed at knife point (as You would know) outside my house last Wednesday. In broad daylight. And it was scary. I’m terrified of going out anywhere alone. I’m terrified of loud noises. I’m terrified of strangers.

I wonder why You didn’t protect me and keep me safe. I wonder why You let it happen. It’s the 2nd time in 4 months and surely no one deserves that.

I need peace and assurance from You that it won’t happen again. Please promise that You will send your angels to guard me from this and never let it happen again. Please take my fears away and let me live a normal life. (by the way I already prayed this prayer after the 1st time I got mugged at knife point)

I hate each day now because I feel handicapped on my own.

What did I do to deserve this?

My boyfriend wears lip gloss

2006-07-01T19:33:00.000+08:00

Hmmmm. Should I be freaked out or amused? My boyfriend just tried out my Averine Hologram Lip Gloss in Pearl Pink.

Yes. He did.

Couple of hours ago, I was rushing to dress up to go out, and I handed him my lip gloss and told him to keep it so that i wouldn't forget it.

Then, i went to the bathroom to fix my curls, and suddenly this boy sticks his face in front of me blocking my view of the mirror... starts dabbing his lips and observing his mouth in the mirror.

And I'm like "What's wrong? You ok?"

And he goes, "Oh nothing, just trying out your lip gloss colour."

Slumber-nya.

*Gave him a suspicious look*

He goes, "What?! Just checking out the colour on my lips!"

*grin*

My Big Huggable Sweetie never fails to amuse me. I so adore him.

Juni's birthday at Loong Xi Fu, SS2, Sunday 25-June-06

2006-06-27T10:07:00.000+08:00

The Adorable Lambchop and His Sidekick Possum

2006-06-23T11:27:00.000+08:00

This is darling Lambchop. He’s a crested guinea pig all the way from Holland. My sis called him Lambchop coz he looks like a little lamb. And he’s cream in colour. Lambchop is a very interesting little fella. He’s not the sort of very accommodating, “I wanna lick your hand” friendly all the time creatures. He’s got his moods. Sometimes he’ll be really friendly and run towards you with that adorable look on his face, and sometimes he can’t be bothered with you. In fact he’ll look downright pissy and avoid you at all costs.

This is Possum. Possum cost only a fifth of what Lambchop was worth at the petshop. You can probably guess why when you look at him. Lambchop clearly is the more attractive one. And what more is that Possum is still terrified of us. Everytime we go near the cage, he races around the cage in a mad panic with a crazed look in his eyes. He probably thinks we’re gonna have him for dinner, the way he reacts. He clearly isn’t much to look at alongside Lambchop, and with him behaving that way, it only makes us love Lambchop more.

Awww.. Look at the baby.

Possum follows Lambchop around all the time. Wherever Lambchop goes, Possum is always at his tailend trailing him. This really irritates Lambchop, who’ll give a sharp squeak of indignance at the silly creature whenever he catches Possum following him. I think Possum probably just admires his looks a lot.

Oh yeah, Possum licks Lambchop’s butt a lot. And yesterday my housemate caught Lambchop trying to mount Possum and mate with him. Which reminds me, we better get a female guinea pig before we have a guinea pig Brokeback Mountain scene before our eyes.

Lost

2006-06-21T10:39:00.000+08:00

Woke up feeling depressed today.

It’s one of those days where I feel super lost and can’t do anything right. Where I’m just drifting and have no idea where I’m headed.

Yesterday I asked the office if I could redirect all my personal mails to the office address coz I don’t have a permanent address here in KL. How depressing does that sound? I might as well go rent one of those mailboxes in the local post office.

I don’t even know where I’m gonna live in August. And that’s only 2 months away. And the next place I’m gonna move to is gonna be rented as well and I don’t know how long I’m gonna live there. I’m just so sick of the feeling of not having an address of my own. It sucks big time, and it always gets me down. It’s something so many people take for granted but when you feel as though you don’t belong anywhere, it eats at you.

And what about going to work everyday knowing that you don’t like the profession you’re in and you can’t imagine yourself doing it for the rest of your life? What if you don’t even know what you want to do in life?

I’ve been here almost 6 years, and I’m still in the same state where I started off. Homeless, drifting, unsure, lost. Dammit.

Feel so miserable.

In loving memory of Pringles

2006-06-19T21:15:00.000+08:00

My sister's 4 guinea pigs died recently. So last Monday I went to Pets Wonderland at Midvalley to get her one. It was the first time I ever picked an animal, and I didn't really know what to look for. Just pointed at the cutest looking brown furry thing there and the sales girl grabbed her for me. Had to carry her in a box all the way back to Bukit Jalil and she was moving around all the time probably wondering what was going on.

We named her Pringles, coz Pretzel just died and it sounded fitting. She was such a sweetie.. even though I didn't see her antics, my sis said she would do silly things like jump up and down the food bowl, do a belly dance, bang her house against the cage to make noise, squeak for attention.. wat a cutie.

Pringles died last night. sniff. Her death is still a mystery. After coming back from her birthday celebration, my sister found her dead. :*( Maybe it's the lab food. Or maybe she was lonely. Either way, the first pet I ever bought died. Sigh.

It's weird. I've never really liked animals before, but after getting Pringles, I felt a sudden attachment to her which I can't explain. We'll miss you so much Pringles, you were such a sweetie.

Guinea pig galore

2006-06-16T17:11:00.000+08:00

Sigh. It's Friday evening and I'm willing the weekend to come quick! Meantime, found some guinea pig pictures online... aren't they adorable?

This guy won a trophy for something or the other I guess. I wonder if he can do somersaults.

Awwwww....

And then, I remembered Word has speak bubbles....

He looked a bit worried, don't you think?

And finally:

Nga Po Loh Shui Fun

2006-06-14T13:47:00.000+08:00

Today, Uncle Choo took us to eat very yummy Nga Po Loh Shui Fun at Kuchai Lama. It's at Restoran Goon Wah... *slurp*. We also had Chow Tong Fun and Fried Rice which was super yummy too!

Gonna take my Big Huggable Sweetie there this Saturday!

Pauline Angel's marriage registration ceremony

2006-06-13T13:59:00.000+08:00

The 3 angels: Suzie Angel, Pauline Angel and Chwiny Angel @ Tien Hou Kong Temple, Saturday 10 January 2006.

Lurve u, angels!!! *muaxxxx*

Yeay!

2006-06-12T09:31:00.000+08:00

My brilliant darling of a hairdresser, Tommy, at Alan Inspiration, Bangsar, to whom I’ve sworn hair allegiance for eternity, always makes me happy…

*phew* am so relieved I’ve got new hair. Can’t bear having the same hairstyle for 3 months straight.

*skips off gleefully*

"Chau" Fish Head at Chan Sow Lin

2006-06-08T09:31:00.000+08:00

For lunch yesterday, Uncle Choo, a very nice uncle from Marketing Services brought me, Cat and Tek Ooi for lunch at Jalan Chan Sow Lin, Jalan Tiga. We had very yummy fried fish head and curry pork ribs. *slurp* There was siew yuk, sotong, taufu and vegetables stuffed into the fish’s head too! Can’t remember the name of the shop, but it’s like a dilapidated old house next to an auto artworks factory. You have to sit outside without fan under the lunch hour sun, but it was so worth it!

Unleash me

2006-06-07T19:07:00.000+08:00

I think I’m a very disturbed person. And I seem to turn to any sort of art to satisfy that deep hunger in me to break free of the standard mould that shackles me to my current state.

Perhaps it’s the mad manic-depressive artistic genius in me that’s waiting to be unleashed on the world. Haha.

On a more sane note, this is my current ringtone, the song sung by The Archies, in like the 1970s I believe:

Sugar… oh Honey Honey
You are my Candy Girl
And you got me wanting you

Oh Honey… oh Sugar Sugar
You are my Candy Girl
And you got me wanting you

I just can’t believe the loveliness of loving you
(I just can’t believe its true)
I just can’t believe the wonder of this feeling too
(I just can’t believe its true)

Sugar… oh Honey Honey
You are my Candy Girl
And you got me wanting you

So damn cheesy or what. But still…. Makes my day brighter and puts that automatic smile on my face every morning. Try it!

Mr. Smartypants

2006-05-31T22:50:00.000+08:00

Results for previous semester are out! Big Huggable Sweetie scored a whopping crazy 81 mark-Distinction for Finance!! *pengsan* People in Strathclyde Uni wanna get 70 also like sweat blood and tears oredi... me wanna get 50 also have to work so darn hard and cry the night before exam....and he goes and scores 81!!! Siau kia!!!

Dunno wanna whack him or hug him.

Congrats, baby!!!!

silence

2006-05-24T11:27:00.000+08:00

Last night, Big Huggable Sweetie and I were talking about the subject of Mathematics. Of which, he is a pro, and I am so not pro. I told him the reason why I’m so bad at the subject is because when I was a kid up until my teenage years, my dad used to teach me Math and every time I made mistakes in the homework he set me, he would give me the silent treatment for a few days on end.

And so, until this point in my life, I came to dread 2 things with the utmost fervor:

a) Anything to do with Mathematics
b) Being given the silent treatment

Since forever, I’ve always associated Math with tears and that’s why last year, when Big Huggable Sweetie and I were just friends, I smsed him late one night with a tearful “I do my Finance Assignment until wanna cry liao. Sniff. Can I borrow your answers please???”

And like the Big Huggable Sweetie he is, he took pity on a damsel classmate in distress. (Tip for girls: always use crying to get assignment answers. It works.) He immediately told me to use my sister’s MSN so that he could send the file to me. And then comes the story of my sister’s webcam and me being in the nude, but of course, that is another story for another time.

My mum texted me last night to say that my dad is currently giving her the silent treatment due to something she said to him. Well, the thing she said was just an innocent comment but somehow he interpreted it as being critical of him. Hence, the silent treatment. Mum is suffering now, like how I used to suffer, and when I think of it, I shudder. Silent treatment isn’t pleasant, and like Big Huggable Sweetie said, a caning session may hurt, but only for a short while. Silent treatment eats at you and echoes in your soul for a long time to come.

And like the Big Huggable Sweetie he is, he comforted me about my inept mathematical skills and said that my artistic brain is good enough.

Actually upon reflection, I think that I probably could ace Math in normal circumstances. It’s just that I always seem to have a mental barrier when I look at a Math problem, and then I feel rather fearful to try it out, because I’m so certain that I’ll definitely get it wrong. And then I try it out, and I get it wrong anyway. And that does wonders for my self-esteem.

It’s ok, now I got Big Huggable Sweetie to tutor me. Hopefully he won’t give me the silent treatment. *muakz*

I'm a Samantha

2006-05-22T13:05:00.000+08:00

Currently listening to: Black Hole Sun, Soundgarden.

“Hang my head, drown my fear
Till you all just disappear

Black hole sun, won’t you come
And wash away the rain
Black hole sun
Won’t you come, won’t you come?”

……………………….

I’m currently reading Adrian Mole. Which explains why I seem to be writing and thinking in random unlinked spurts lately. I find it so irritating that I subconsciously copy writing styles of books that I’m currently into and why I can’t seem to develop a style of my own. I must, if I’m going to follow in Kimster’s tracks and write my own memoirs when I turn 50.

I bought this magazine for wannabe writers the other day and apparently, if you want to write a novel, your main character has to be flawed. He/she can’t be too perfect coz apparently that perfection irritates the faeces out of your readers. Readers identify with characters who are beautiful but childishly stupid like Scarlett, or nerdy and desperate like Adrian Mole, or bad at Potions lessons like Harry Potter.

……………………….

This morning as I was driving to work, I heard over Fly.Fm: Apparently studies show that women who consume more dairy products are more likely to have twins. So the more milk drunk by women, the more likely they were to give birth to 2 babies at a go. How interesting.

Of course, after 2 solid days of Data Management class, I immediately started questioning the population size, and whether probability or non-probability sampling had been done and how the generated ANOVA regression table would indicate the correlation coefficient between the two variables to be.

Oh and then of course I wondered if you could drink more milk to increase your chance of getting twins, then what do you have to do to get triplets?

……………………….

Today I texted a friend who turns 26 to wish him a very happy birthday. And his reply was:

“Thank you. Sigh. It’s always hard to grow older.”

This is a 26 year old guy for heaven’s sake. I told him that I would keep his sms and forward it to him when he turns 50.

And I thought growing older was traumatizing for women only. Don’t even get me started on it. I’m turning 27 this November and that can only mean one thing: my metabolic rate is going to slow down which means I have to start watching what I eat and going for more yoga and dance classes than ever. However, to counter my sorrows about aging, I’ve sworn a solemn oath that when I am 40 I’m going to have Samantha Jones’ bombshell body and confidence. And fantastic fashion style. Yeah, I’m going to be a Samantha alright.

*slurp*

The attention-seeking rabbit

2006-05-18T13:32:00.000+08:00

This is Peter Rabbit, who came to live with us in March 2006. In the photo, Peter Rabbit is hanging out near the shoe rack, but normally, he's kept locked up in a steel cage. 2 mornings ago, I woke up and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I heard this crash, and I turned to look at Peter Rabbit who was looking at me pathetically through the steel bars, his water bottle had fallen from his cage onto the floor. I wanted to go pick it up when my sis said:

Sis: Don't bother. He did it on purpose to get attention.
Me: Huh? But why?
Sis: No one play with him mah..
Me: Oh no, that's so sad!

And it got me thinking at 8.30 in the morning. (yes, i wake up at 8.30 in the morning on a weekday)

If a rabbit can feel neglected and push his water bottle to the floor in a bid to get attention, what more a human?

We neglect our loved ones without realizing it sometimes. And more often than not, our loved ones might do something to get our attention, just like Peter Rabbit. And after awhile when we still ignore them and take them for granted, they might stop. And the death of love happens.

Relationships between humans are difficult to nuture and easily fall apart without love and care and attention. Maybe we should all remember to show the people around us how much we love them every single day, rather than start to take them for granted just because they are always around.

This morning, as I walked past Peter Rabbit's cage to go to work, he got up and started clawing desperately through the steel bars and looking at me with a super pathetic face like he was saying:

Rabbit: Heyyyy.. where you going?? Stop and play!
Me: Oh, sorry baby, I can't.. gotta go to work. (Yes, I actually said this out loud to the rabbit at 9am in the morning)
Rabbit: But waittttttt.... *claw claw*
Me: Kenot la, sorry. sniff. Actually I'm a bit afraid of you. You're too big and scary looking. I like baby rabbits. Bubye!

*she skipped off to work feeling pretty in her red wraparound Blook dress and hoop earrings*

____________________

Yeah so now it's 6.42pm at Astro and no one is budging. Sigh. I'm gonna go. Woohoo! Tonight watching Da Vinci Code! Ciaoz!

Random PMS Thoughts

2006-05-17T11:40:00.000+08:00

Random PMS Thought #1 @11.01am
I don’t know if it’s PMS or whether it’s because I had another one of those nightmares last night, but I woke up with a sense of uneasiness. So I counted the days on my calendar and apparently it’s the 29th day this Sunday. Already????

Random PMS Thought #2 @11.03am
I wanna start ranting about PMS woes but I know guys read my blog. Argh. Who cares. It’s my space and I shall rant all I want. MINE. My space!! *stamps foot grumpily*

Random PMS Thought #3 @11.07am
I’m in a horrible mood. And I KNOW it’s PMS. And I deserve it coz I forgot to take my bak foong pills this month. And I hardly exercised. (But wait, is clubbing counted as exercise?) Keep telling Carol to remember to eat the pills and I go and forget myself. I think it’s gonna be extra bad this month.

Random PMS Thought #4 @11.10am
I can’t concentrate at work today. Stupid PMS.

Random PMS Thought #5 @11.11am
Last night I had another one of those nightmares. Which I don’t wanna talk about.

Random PMS Thought #6 @11.11am
There’s a big huggable sweetie in my life right now. He’s the sweetest bloke ever made and I’m so lucky to have him. Oddly enough, for the first time in my life, I actually feel as though I’m actually really sharing my life with someone. Like, the whole making plans together and hanging out together and knowing that you can take care of someone and be taken care of kind of thingy. Although it’s rather scary, it still feels very nice. I don’t know how long this is gonna last, but I’m just gonna take it a day at a time. He’s such an adorable sayang. *hugs*

Random PMS Thought #7 @11.15am
I feel like strangling someone. Anyone will do. Somebody, lock me up in a padded room and release me next Tuesday morning.

Random PMS Thought #8 @11.16am
I wonder what I’m gonna be like when I’m 50 and menopausal? *shudders*

Random PMS Thought #9 @11.16am
Chwiny angel, Pauline angel and Suzie angel were just talking about how time has flown since uni days, and how our conversations have evolved from attending classes, doing assignments, mugging for exams to work troubles, horrid bosses, and tight deadlines, to guys, relationship ups and downs, family problems, and finally on to Pauline angel getting married, buying property, settling down, raising children.. and errr..sex. *blush* Soon, Chwiny and Suzie angel will be looking forward to buying cute little clothes for Pauline angel’s babies. Yeay!

Here’s to the next 50 years together, angels! Love you babes so much!

Random PMS Thought #10 @11.30am
2 Indian girls are gabbing loudly away in Tamil at breakneck speed in front of my cubicle. Hellow! Excuse me! Don’t piss off the PMS-y chick! Can we have some quiet please??!?!! *STRANGLE*

Doggie anybody?

2006-05-16T09:12:00.000+08:00

This is my friend Choong’s doggie. Doesn’t she look sweet? Her name is Dodo. Choong has to give Dodo away very soon coz he’s going to live in a condo and he can’t take her with him.

Dodo is an affectionate 4 year old mix poodle and English cocker spaniel who is totally adorable. She is also toilet trained and according to him, pisses and shits obediently on a newspaper.

Oh ya, she’s also Mandarin-educated. And can do the paw shake thingy. And she only eats dry lamb doggie food. No chicken or beef.

Oh and she needs grooming about once a week.

Pweaseeeee anybody wanna take care of her?????????????? Pwease pweaseee????

May 12 2006

2006-05-14T23:16:00.000+08:00

You inspire me to be a better person. :-) I like you just the way you are. *hugs*

Loneliness.

2006-05-13T01:37:00.000+08:00

It's almost 2am.

Recently, someone whom i really sayang, told me that she was having an affair with a married man. She's only 24. She's adorable, funny, smart, talented, sweet... she has everything a guy could want. So I asked her, why she was doing it?

And she said "I'm lonely."

And I wondered... how many of us out there are lonely, empty, feeling so deserted, like we've lost all sense of purpose in life?

People may look at us and say "Wow, gal, you've got everything going for you! You've got everything you ever wanted! People so envy you... blah blah blah."

But no one knows the heartache you have inside. No one sees that empty shell of your soul. No one looks deep inside to see how much you're bleeding to death.

Everyone's lonely in a way.

I think it's the quarter-life crisis.

Her Soul.

2006-05-11T14:34:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I have this weird urge to self-destruct.

Or even better, to reach a totally dazed and high state of mind where I go completely blank, and be released from the persistent pounding of thoughts in my head. Where nothing else in this world matters save the song playing in my mind. And it has to be a good song. Like Black Hole Sun. Or Stairway To Heaven.

“Your head is humming and it won’t go, in case you don’t know,
The piper’s calling you to join him”

Does everyone feel this way, or is it just me? That sometimes you just want to be rescued from the chains that bind you, which you’ve voluntarily bound yourself with, the chains that you caress but at the same time loathe.

You want to be transported to a black hole where time stands still and nothing matters. And when you’re transported back to reality, you walk around like a zombie, half-living, half-conscious, living for the next moment where you’re allowed to blank out again…

…and listen to nothing but the song in your head.

Sisterhood

2006-05-08T14:07:00.000+08:00

The other day, I realized how much my galpals meant to me. When my bag got snatched at OUG, my mind was desperately trying to remember phone numbers to call someone, and in that blank state of shock, oddly enough, I could only remember 3 with amazing clarity: My sister’s, Pauline’s and Chwin’s. And these 3 were the first people whom I called to tearfully announce the demise of my beloved new Aldo handbag.

I love my girlfriends a lot. They’ve always been there for me through good and bad times, through rocky moments and light-hearted times, whether terribly serious, or absolutely trivial, I can always count on them to be by my side. A tearful phone call with “Gal, I got my fringe cut and I think it looks horrible I need to come over RIGHT NOW, where are you?!?!?!” or “Gal, it’s 2a.m. and I’ve just broken up with X and I need to talk NOW!” definitely guarantees the female support you need for as long as it takes.

We call each other silly names, like “Angel” and “Princess”, hold hands in shopping malls, talk endlessly for hours, have slumber parties in our pajamas, plan surprise birthday parties, dish out harshly accurate assessments about each other’s suitors/boyfriends/husbands, wake up in the middle of the night to listen to desperate sobbing on the phone, the list is endless.

And so it comes as no surprise that there is an unwritten Sisterhood Code that one abides to at ALL times. The Sisterhood Code is like… a special union between females where you feel that there’s an odd sense of connection and understanding on a higher level, where you will never ever betray each other’s trust and put each other first above everything else.

The Sisterhood Code is always present in the tiny gestures we make for each other, the constant thoughts we have for each other, the blind devotion we feel for each other, and the fierce protectiveness for each other that makes us tell each other’s potential boyfriends, “You ever dare hurt her, and I’ll hunt you down and slaughter you with a parang!”

Like ok for instance, if one of your girlfriends is so totally into a guy and she confides to you about it, and one day if the guy asks you out for a dinner and movie, your answer is definitely NO, regardless of how much whisky coke you’ve had to drink before that. Too bad if he looks like he just waltzed off a GQ cover, is totally New Age sensitive, has a wicked sense of humor, exquisite dress sense, IQ of 150, supports Liverpool, devotes himself to you by night and day, blah blah blah. The answer is definitely NO without a single thought.

Errr, not like such a guy exists in this world lah but you get my drift.

Throughout the past 26 years of my life, I’ve gathered so many “angels” and “princesses” along the way, and they’ve been my strength and support until now. Boyfriends may come and go, but girlfriends are forever.

Lurve you gals loads! *hugs & kisses*

We ain’t young no more

2006-04-27T13:50:00.000+08:00

So the other day, I drove my sis and her friend Linda to Midvalley after work. My sis has just won a big competition! The 24 challenge, where she had to stay awake for 24 hours at Times Square and answer crazy questions on all 4 seasons. Kudos to my smart mei nu sis!

Anyway, so we were going to Midval coz sis wanted to belanja me and Linda at Chili’s sempena her winning a lot of cash from the competition. We were talking about Linda who is going to get a tattoo done this weekend. And I said, “Linda, you not scared ah, next time when u old, the tattoo will be wrinkly?”

And the 21 year old sweet young thing went “But it’s on my list of things to do before I grow old! I’m going to turn 21 soon, HOW DEPRESSINGGGG. After that it’s 22, then 23 then 24… oh NOOOO.”

Ouch. Errr.. Linda, I’m 26 going on to 27 oredi how ah?

So at that moment I felt ancient. And I thought back to when I was 21. Gosh, I had just started work and was so innocent and fresh. Not like I’m not innocent and fresh now la. But anyway, I was so mentah. Look how far I’ve come since. Look how much experience I’ve gained and how hard as nails I've become. I feel so old. ARGHHH.. I’m already 26!!!

At this point, someone who is 32 years old who reads my blog is gonna major b-slap me hard.

When we walked into Midvalley, I felt absolutely wrinkled. Here I was, in my full 26 year glory, wearing a grey Edmund Ser corporate-looking dress, positively tired from working 10 hours, next to 2 fresh slim and sweet young things, who made heads turn wherever they went. I smsed Choong, my MBA mate and told him how depressed I suddenly felt that I felt so old walking next to 2 such hot and sexy young creatures who were only 21.

And he smsed back the reply: 21 got their own sexiness… 26 got their own sexiness.

Sigh. Xie xie Choong. I felt leeetle bit better.

So! Linda has a list of things to do before she turns 21. I shall have a list of things to do before moi turns 27 and it ain’t involving a tattoo.

Finish my MBA
Learn Mandarin
Play my violin at least once a week
Stop going clubbing and getting drunk and crying on ppl’s shoulder
Learn how to make good sushi

Errr.. that’s all for now. I’m turning 27 in only 6 months. WAAAAAAHHHH…!!

Resolutions

2006-04-22T20:00:00.000+08:00

Last night after 6 hours of grueling SIE workshop, I went over to Bulldog, Hartamas to meet my colleagues for drinks. I entered the pub with my laptop slung over my shoulder, and was greeted by a rowdy, almost drunk bunch of male customers blocking my way. One of them proclaimed in a loud voice, “Now why can’t we hire someone who looks like that???”

Wow. Thanks, dude. You made my day. *love ya, whoever you are*

Of course, everyone knows that even the ugliest face can look beautiful when you’re drunk. I’ll just delude myself into thinking he wasn’t all that drunk.

We had so much fun in Bulldog last night. There was a live band playing and they are so totally cool!! They play like all the old 1980s rock classics and retro hits and the lead singer is just soooooo good! Hyperhex whispered to me that the lead guitarist (who incidentally is MALE) was cute. Hmmmm, should I be suspicious of Hyperhex’s err… gravitation? ; ) Oh no, he’s gonna kill me.

Anyway, we had so much fun laughing and singing and dancing to Bryan Adam’s Summer of ’69 and ABBA’s Dancing Queen. The crowd was like.. kinda old actually. Picture this: fat potato looking auntie with wrinkles dressed like she was a 21 year old ah lian, trying to wiggle her butt a.k.a. Beyonce. Made me shudder with a premonition that it might one day be me. So uncool. I MUST MUST go on diet and practice hard in in hip hop.

Oh they also sang Man Bai's "Kau Ilhamku". Sigh, so mad about that song now.

So.

I’ve made some resolutions after much thought.

I shall try my best not to be jaded anymore.
I shall open up a little and not be afraid of getting hurt.
I shall work on fixing my defense mechanism.
I shall not over-complicate things and think too much.
I shall go back to my normal old chirpy happy self and live life!
I shall stop drinking myself to death every Friday and Saturday.
I shall buy a Coach bag.

Remind me hah, if I forget what I resolved! No need to remind about Coach bag. That one I sure remember wan. : )

Oh oh, an introduction to my darling sleepmates... this is me with Muggles, my doggie, and Frank, my bear. You can't see Frank too much coz Muggles is very vain and always tries to squeeze him out of pictures, poor Frank.

Oh. And I think I have a teeny weeny crush on someone. *blush*

Not saying who. ; )

Sob!

2006-04-19T13:10:00.002+08:00

*Sigh*

My handbag was snatched on Monday night in Taman OUG, when I was going for hip hop. It was a scary experience. Parked like 5 houses away from Natsumi’s. And as I walked a bit, saw 2 guys on a motorcycle coming towards me. And I sorta knew they were going to rob me… so that instant I sorta panicked. And when they saw me panicking, the pillion rider got off the bike and ran towards me wif a knife. *ACK*

In that instant, I actually ran through and put weightings on 3 different options. (Wahlau, Decision Explorer MBA software is doing me some good).

1. Run back to my car, BUT if I don’t make it, they will take my handbag anyway and there would be a struggle and I might get hurt.

2. Run to the playground opposite, BUT if I don’t run fast enuff, the above would happen as well.

3. Throw my bag over the gate of the houses opposite, BUT they might get pissed and tetak me anyway.

*shudder*

So, I did what Hyperhex said was “uncool but the safest choice”. I threw my bag on the road in one direction and I ran the other way.

After that I was still so blur. I went into class, and told Natsumi I will continue prac. And she was like “Err, no I think you should go home”. So fine, good thing I had my car keys still, so I went home. I was still in a very jovial mood. But when we were on the way to the police station, it kinda sank into me and I started crying.*sniff*

Anyway, my sis was there with me at the police station and she held my hand throughout. She's a gem. Sometimes I feel like the younger sis.

And SKK came over to comfort me and bring us to the police station oso! Xie xie ni!!!! : )

Well, I lost so much of precious stuff....

My IC, license, ATM cards, the usual
My company tag
My phone
My new wallet
RM500 in cash
My sunnies
My fav new Aldo handbag which both Chwin and Pauline got too .. sigh.
My fav lip gloss ... double sigh
My dermalogica Hydrating booster
My Astro meal card.. no more free meals for the rest of the month
My precious thumb drive which I saved all my MBA assignments for the past 2 years without a backup!!
My Touch N Go card which i just reloaded RM200
My sister's precious earphones

So depressing. Somemore, yesterday when I went to kau tim all my stuff, I had to go to RHB PJ State to get a new ATM card. And they wouldn't let me coz apparently i have to go back to the original branch to get it. But I was so stressed I started crying and the bank manager was like "Oh oh please don't cry, we'll make the card here for you."

So... it was a happy ending after all. Guess tears work over a bank counter. Muahaha

So Sick of Love Songs

2006-04-16T09:23:00.000+08:00

Saturday night, and what better time than to spend it with one's girlfriends. Viv, Kat and I met up for dinner at Sugimoto, Hartamas for yummy japanese food last night and had a great time. Having dinner with galpals is one of the best things in life, and where two or three 26-year-old hot, head-turning chicks (ahem, it's my blog so I can say what I like) are gathered, the conversation throughout the night inevitably takes on the form of a typical scene from a Sex And The City episode. And proudly enough, our immaculate fashion sense can DEFINITELY rival Carrie Bradshaw's. (Again, it's my blog).

A rundown on my galpals. We go back a long way. Viv and I always tell people proudly that we've known each other since we were "bald-headed babies at 2 years old"! We then graduated to being schoolmates and now we've been working in KL for 5 years. Time so flies. I've known Kat since schooldays as well. It's funny how you think back to those years where everything just seemed so simple and innocent. Your world was this little seashell where you were so happy and blur. Sigh.

So back to the Sex And The City conversation.

We were talking about relationships...(yeah like what else?) and how it's so scary to be in one. At this point, to be fair to Kat, I have to say that only Viv and I are scared shitless. Kat is perfectly happy. Kat is currently in a long term stable relationship of 4 years, how she does it, I really tabik her ok. I am hopeless at relationships. The only thing Kat complained about the whole night was about her boyfriend always forgetting to bring his towel into the bathroom when he showers and would run out to the balcony in all his naked glory to get it. Other than that, no issue.

Anyway, I digress. Back to relationships, or rather the lack of them. Viv and I have the same problem. We're traumatized, jaded, afraid of being hurt, reluctant to commit, the works. Gosh, you name the issue, we've got it. We've hurt men and been hurt in turn by men. We wonder when we'll get over what we call the disease of COMMITMENT PHOBIA. I for one, wonder I'll ever fall in love, like for real. And I think I've forgotten what it's like to fall in love with someone. And as Ne-Yo croons...I'm so sick of love songs.

So, after last night, I wondered if it was normal to be the way I am...I mean, Viv feels the same way. We both choose not to be in relationships, we avoid commitment like the plague, and we can't figure out why, other than the reason that we're so afraid of hurting the other party and being hurt as well. I wondered if there was a cure, like a magic pill we could take to make us go back to our trusting un-jaded selves without fears and brick walls surrounding us, protecting us from showing our vulnerabilities.

K lah, damn serious man my post. I wanna say something happy and chirpy now.

We've got a hip hop performance coming up next month! Natsumi, my hip hop instructor asked me to join, and I'm so gonna shop for hip hop clothes this weekend! I'm so into hip hop now, I'm going twice a week for classes and soon we might be practicing weekends! I'm thrilled. No need to go gym anymore. Can exercise, and learn great dance moves at the same time!

And oh, I also didn't go clubbing this weekend. *pat pats myself on the back* But I so miss R&B.

I'm also totally in love with Guang Liang's Tian Tang. I keep listening to it again and again:

Qian zhe ni zai tian kong fei xiang Soaring with you through the skies
Zhe yang kan shi jie bu yi yang Looking at the world this way,it is not the same
You le ni zai shen pang, xiao de lian pang Having you by my side, smiling so brightly
Shi jie huo xu Maybe the world
Jiu zhe me kuan guangI Is actually so vast
Hu ran jiu wang ji le huang zhang Suddenly all confusions are forgotten
Ren hai zhi zhong ni zui ming liang Among the sea of people,you are the best
Wu yi jian de ying xiang An accidental influence
Jian jian kuo zhang Gradually spreads through
Ni feng fu wo sheng huo gan xiang You've shown me life's reflections;thoughts

He bi xun zhao suo wei de tian tang Why seek for the so-called heaven
Yuan lai wo yin wei ni Actually I,because of you
Bu xiang zai qu liu lang Don't want to wander around no more
Qing yuan ping fan Rather have peace
Bu yong you yi qie ye wu fang Even if I own nothing,it's still fine
You le ni zai xin shang Just with you in my heart
Yi ran shi tian tang It is still heaven

Yi jing shi tian tang It already is heaven

Sigh. And did I say I was sick of love songs? Maybe there is still hope for me. :)

I Lurve Tommy

2006-04-14T13:37:00.000+08:00

Tommy just cut my sister’s hair. Oh, Tommy is my beloved hairdresser from year 2001 who currently shows off his creative skills at Alan Inspiration, Bangsar, 03- 2288 1918. He is absolutely talented. Check it out:

The Wedding Poem

2006-04-13T14:49:00.000+08:00

I have this long time friend, let’s call him D. I’ve known D for 9 years, since I was 18 and he was 19, and we’ve always been there for each other through good and bad times. The weird thing is … throughout this 9 year friendship, I think we’ve only seen each other like… 4 times. Most of the time we talked on the phone or emailed, but every 2 years whenever we met up for yum cha, there was this weird sense of comfort and acceptance between us that we were always going to be good friends.

So a year ago, he called me up… and said:

D: Hey I met this great girl, at someone’s wedding! And we’ve been going out for the past 6 months and I’m going to ask her to marry me.
Me: WHAT?!
D: Yeah. What do you think?
Me: Errr, 6 months is kinda premature…
D: Yeah, but she’s a nice girl, very sensible, good upbringing, stable head on her shoulders. You know, wife material!
Me: Do you think she’s the one for you? D: I dunno, I believe we can marry anyone actually, there is no “ONE” person that is destined for us… we just have to make do with the person we end up with and learn to accept everything that comes with her package.
Me: Well… hmm, ok. Good luck!

So then…. A week before his wedding last March, he calls me and goes:

D: HEY, I’m nervous lah.
Me: You bloody hell should be lah wei.
D: I dunno if I’m doing the right thing but it’s way to late to back out now right????
Me: Err, duh!
D: Anyway, after I’m married, I can still call you and confide in you and stuff right?
Me: Err… you think that’s a good idea? Coz I don’t think it’s right… why can’t you talk to her?
D: I dunno, what if I have troubles?
Me: Err…. No no, I think you have to fix ‘em yourselves. It’s a partnership thing. Work on it, dammit!!!

So it made me think…and ponder on this topic of marriage, and why everyone seems to think it’s wonderful and necessary and the moment you walk down that aisle and say your I dos at the altar everything is just gonna be blissful…. Coz it’s not going to be!!

Anyway, so that night, I worried for D, and at 2am, when I couldn’t sleep, I made up this poem, and smsed it to him.

Your wedding date is drawing near
Are your knees now shaking with fear?
Well, you should chill and grab a beer
Coz everyone’s turn will come, my dear.

And now for you the end is nigh,
I can just see your freedom say goodbye,
Well, you regret it with a sigh,
All I can say is … Don’t eff up, you better try!

Coz being married is a trial,
You can see it coming from a mile,
And who would blame you if once in awhile,
You are tempted by another witch’s smile!

Well, after all is said and done,
You know she is the only one,
So don’t you try to get outside fun
Or I will personally come after you with a gun!

He laughed the next morning when he read it, and reassured me that his jitters had been solved, everything was hunky dory and the wedding would be as planned this Saturday at KL Hilton so be sure to come and wear my pink flower dress that he likes so much. I breathed a sigh of relief. Wedding day came and went, the occasion was a beautiful one, very tastefully done, elegant jazz band, champagne, the works.

So with some nostalgia, I looked at him happy and smiling, with his pretty bride at his arm, and wondered in my own jaded way… what was in store?

And oh, the guy sitting beside me was totally trying to chat me up and was asking me if I would wanna go out sometime. And when I said no, he asked if I had a boyfriend or any marriage plans in store and I gave him a withering look and said “I’m not the marrying kind.”

He was rather stunned, and said “But girls don’t normally say that!”

And I went, “Well, I’m no normal girl!”

And that was the end of the conversation.

So, weeks pass, I don’t hear from D, and quite suddenly this morning, he smses me the exact poem I wrote him…..

And I quickly replied “Please don’t tell me I have to load my gun already????”

And D goes “Hmmm, will keep you posted.”

PENGSAN

2006-04-12T13:17:00.000+08:00

wang le you duo jiu
zai mei ting dao ni
dui wo shuo ni zui ai de gu shi

wo xiang le hen jiu
wo kai shi huang le
shi bu shi wo you
zuo cuo le shen me #

ni ku zhao dui wo shuo
tong hua li du shi pian ren de
wo bu ke neng shi ni de wang zi

ye xu ni bu hui dong
cong ni shuo ai wo yi hou
wo de tian kong
xing xing dou liang le

wo yuan bian cheng tong hua li
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

- Tong Hua, Guang Liang.

Wo de tian shi zai na li?

2006-04-12T00:01:00.000+08:00

So, SKK and I went to Zouk last night with Jing and his friends. Boy it was crowded. But it was fun. Poor SKK kept getting bumped on the dance floor by this tall fat white chick. I loved the Flintstones theme. About 1am, SKK and I started on a bottle of whisky and finished it an hour later. That's when things started to get blurry for me. I remember teaching him how to salsa near the bar. Then after that I don't remember... much. I remember vomiting my guts out everywhere. And I was crying and crying the whole night... SKK said I "ham" in a very "cham" way... everyone kept looking at him and asking if I am ok. Poor SKK. People must have thought he bully me pulak.

So why did I cry? I don't know. I wondered about it today when I woke up, still wearing my puked-on jeans. Was it because i felt empty and lost? Directionless? Floating like a leaf in the wind with no place to go? No purpose in life? Huge defense mechanism that won't let people near me? Jase says that ever since he knew me in college like 10 years ago, I already had that protective barrier that I spring up every time someone comes too close. Sigh.

How do i get rid of that empty lost feeling? Maybe I should start doing some charity work, like distribution of food to the poor or reading to cancer patients. I'd feel more fulfilled. But then, wouldn't it be wrong coz I'm only doing that to ensure that I feel fulfilled? It's got a selfish motive already even before it's started.

Anywayz.. on to chirpier stuff...

Salsa is getting more and more fun! And more serious as well. Aisha is harder on us with every passing week. And everyone is getting more focused as well. We go salsa dancing every weekend now at Salsa Havana (Federal Hotel) or Little Havana (Changkat Raja Chulan). Its wonderful seeing all the advanced students dancing... sigh, you just wanna move like them, but it's such hard work and you have to remain focused in class till we reach their standard. Salsa may look sexy and fun but it's so much hard work behind the scenes.

Kayz. 12.30am. Time to 'oi oi'.

2006-04-09T23:48:00.000+08:00

My maiden post.

So yeah, wow, like.. I have a blog. This is me blog. Finally. My darling of a 22-year-old sis has a blog... and she seems to enjoy diarizing her daily life and trivial happenings. I see my pic up there every once in awhile and I thought... gosh.. pretty cool or what. Guess it's time to stop being what she calls a "nooby" and attempt to write a blog like errr, practically what the rest of the world is doing nowadays.

Anyway, reason I decided to finally start writing a blog was because....I spent some time with an old friend this weekend, and I realized a few things, thanks to his words of wisdom. Number one: Me not gettin' any younger. Number two: I'm rather a lost soul who's trying to find some direction in her life. Number three: I get more jaded by the day and I sure as hell have to do something about it before I become a hardened cynic.

Therefore, I have decided to write a blog and see if I can cure some of my jadedness and replace it with happy blissful idealism. *Rummages in handbag for rose-tinted glasses* Hmmm, and I just realised I titled my blog "Jaded and lovin' it". Ironic.

So here goes..

Objective of blog: To cure my jadedness and cynicism. My sister says I've got this humonguous Defense Mechanism that no one can seem to penetrate.

Steps to attain objective: To blog daily about happy unjade-ful stuff which occurs around me until I can officially declare the Great Wall between me and the rest of the world has fallen.

So yeah... hmmm... last Friday I went to Poppy Garden with SF and my sister's friends.. I've been doing this constantly every Friday and Saturday for the past 3 months. Which I find is weird coz I've never been into the clubbing scene for the past 26 years of my life. I've suddenly taken to it like a duck to water, I go out religiously every Friday and Saturday evening at 10pm and arrive home stoned and happy at 6am. By myself, mind you. And yes, I actually drive myself ALONE happily home. I'm surprised that I haven't been flagged down by the coppers yet.

SF hypothesizes that I have "issues". And has attempted to counsel me, the sweet fella. So... yeah. He says I'm so jaded about life I keep doing new things to fight the boredom and emptiness I feel. And gosh, that cut me deep coz his words ring so true. Ask any 26 year old you know, and they'll tell you they feel L-O, L-O, L-O, L-O-S-T. I'm talkin' bout LOST. If you think you're lost at 22, lemme warn you, it gets worse. You just don't have a clue at 26. You don't know where you're going, what to do, what's gonna happen next week... you basically live each day as it comes, and boy, it's a bad feeling.

So.... yeah.... that brings me back to the objective of this blog. Which is... for this 26 year old who is lost and wandering, to find her path... and this blog is going to chart every moment of finding her path so that when she's 40 (*she shudders*) she'll look back and think... wow... I had rough times, but I finally made it to my destination. I hope.

Kay, its 12.30pm. *yawn* Nights.